Can't Help It

“I’m tired of beef and pork and lamb.”
“Do you,” he asked, “Have frog legs, ma’am.”
"No sir," she said. "I'm old and gray
Arthritis makes me walk this way."

Discerning Taste

“Waiter, what is this stuff you brought to me?
I can’t tell if it’s coffee or tea.

Whatever it is, it’s foul and unclean
It tastes so ghastly—like kerosene.”

“It has to be tea,” came back the whine,
'Cause our coffee tastes like turpentine."

This is a parody that I did for Sharon Wren a few years back. She lives in the Mississippi.

Ode To The Mississippi During the Spring of 2001
Paul D. Molyneux
(Tune: Old Man River)

VERSE 1
I bought me a place by the Mississippi.
A place to grow old with my lovely wife,
We built a dock for a boat and fishing
But, with this spring, everything is strife.
(refrain)

VERSE 2:
Summer is great with its rosy sunsets.
Wildlife abounds and the scenery’s great.
Winter and fall pose no major problems,
But, springtime’s what I’ve learned to hate.
(refrain)

REFRAIN:
Swollen river. You swollen river.
My house is floatin’, so who needs boatin’?
You’re wreaking havoc;
I’m now completely unstrung.

Quickening currents and rising water
Have crossed my back yard and filled my basement.
Please have some mercy,
I see striped bass in my car!

We struggle hard; pile sand bags high
And while we work whole towns float by.
I give up! Turn off the rain!
My spirit’s dying and my body’s in pain.

I’m so weary of getting nowhere.
The city’s filthy and you just don’t care!
I’ll move to Texas and you keep rolling along!

Current speech trend

Is it just me, just my area, or more widespread that current speech has added yet another regression?

What I'm referring to is the habit of our young people to promounce multi-syllable words with the consonants on the wrong syllable. e.g. :

Kitt/en instead of Kit/ten

Sat/in instead of Sa/tin

and many many others.

Is syllabification no longer being taught? Do we just not care? Whatcha think?

Paul

Brain Taxed

“Hey, Terry! Friend, you look so tired—
Exhausted, pale, almost expired.
What’s that you did or did not do
That left you looking so askew?”

“You know, it’s been a rough two weeks—
Can’t sleep—just toss in fits and piques.
The night sets my poor head athrob—
I always dream I’ve got a job.”

Nouveau Riche

Nouveau Riche

I'm taking Elizabeth over the sea
To sit while her portrait's painted.
I've looked at the work of the U.S. debris
And all of their work seems tainted.

Lizzie's so beautiful. Don't you agree?
I'll avoid some artistic disasters.
We'll travel to Italy where we can hire
One of those grand "old masters."

Supply and Demand

Supply and Demand

Paul Molyneux

If the bills are caught up and you don’t need new clothes,
The stores fill with clearance and “outs” that will close.
But when washers break down or the fridge simply dies,
The clearance aisle’s nothing but cobwebs and flies.

Oh yes, when you’re traveling for business or sport
You can count on lost luggage at “Ye Olde Airport.”
A Walmart or K-Mart would surely be nice
But the local shops all demand full retail price.

When the paycheck is stretched and the kids need new shoes,
When your tires all go flat as the seat on church pews,
Just where are the sales that abounded last week?
And where are the discounts of which many speak?

There is a conspiracy spread far and wide
So your need and good prices just won’t coincide.
Yes, we all know the story—we know how it feels—
When one really needs bargains, there aren’t any deals.